Forgiveness

What does it mean to forgive?

Well, according to Dictionary.com this is the definition of forgive



for-give 
1.
to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.
to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.
to grant pardon to (a person).
4.
to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.
to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. :



It seems pretty self-explanatory, but in reality, its easier to say you forgive, than actually going through the process of forgiveness. A person cannot say they forgive another, without first going through a process of forgiveness.



I know that, because I have said it "I forgive you" when, really, I was still holding onto anger & resentment, and never meant a word I said about forgiveness. Little did I know, you actually had to go through this process of forgiveness, which I'll outline below.





My Process of Forgiveness:



Ok, this process may not be the same for everyone, but this is what God guided me to do, and I know that by my faith & trust in Him that this is what He wants for me.



First, I had to deal with my anger towards this situation. I wanted SO badly to just be angry and let everyone know how this affected me. How horrible my past was, and how I wish things could have been different, and what things would have been like if they had been different.

Anger, resentment, bitterness.....I was all those and I just didn't see a way past it. Ever. I even got to the point where I questioned the existence of a God who loves, because of my past. How could he allow me to endure what I did?



Next, I finally talked to someone. Not a therapist, Not a shrink, but my friend. A very good, faithful, God-fearing woman, who I believe was put in my life for a lot of reasons, and this being one of them. I told my friend things that I'd never told anyone about my past.

She is the kind of friend that when she says "I'll pray for you" she means it. Talking about it helped me start my process of healing, although I didn't realize it, God knew exactly what He was doing with me.



I could feel that I was being prayed for, not just by my friend, but other people were praying for me, and I could tell. I'd wake up in the morning, feeling better & refreshed and less angry each day. I could also tell that God was working in me. I went from being angry & bitter towards God and my offender, to understanding. I felt my heart begin to change as God reminded me that He was always there with me, even through my darkest hour, He was there. He didn't make the bad things happen to me, He protected me from the bad things. (Deut. 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.")



I could feel God changing my heart toward my offender. I now was realizing that I am a victim no more, I am a Survivor. I began to talk to this person a little more each day, and I felt myself asking God if it was ok. God was telling me to lay it all down, and He would take care of the rest. (Prov. 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding) So, I gave it to God, and I'm NOT taking it back.



God not only allowed me to tell this person how I'd been feeling, He also showed me some things about this person. He opened my eyes to how the situation affected and tore this person apart.

I started seeing things in another's perspective.....God's. And it was amazing the amount of compassion you can feel for a person when you look at it through God's eyes. (Eph. 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.)

And I began to realize just what God did for me when He gave His only son to die for MY sins. Forgiving me of sins that I didn't deserve, except by the grace of God.
Who was I to deny forgiveness to one of God's children? (Matt. 6:14,15 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.)

I know also that I could not heal from my past without forgiveness. I cannot move on and be used in the kingdom of God, if I'm still looking back at my past. Everything that I held onto in the past, is holding me back from the present and the future.

Forgiving also led me to love this person again. 1 John 4:7 (Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.)
I also realized that I cannot hate a person and love others or Christ. I can't speak bad about someone with the same mouth that I worship God with. Which brings me to this verse Prov. 10:12 (Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.” )
I chose to still love this person, even after all that I was put through, because of my ability to finally forgive, and because of my love for God. I also chose to love this person because in my heart, I always have, and I desire to love her.

Now, I am working on a relationship with this person. We used to have a relationship a long time ago, and God has presented us with another opportunity to know one another. 1 Peter 1:22 (Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.)

I obeyed God by trusting him to forgive this person and to be in contact with this person again. I know that the love I feel for this person is a real love, because its from God, so I'm not afraid.
Psalm 18:12 (The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold)

I will never truly understand the way my life was, is, or will be, but I do know this;
that I have been dealing with my past, I have forgiven, I love , and I'm on a path to reconciliation.

I'd like to end with this verse:

Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Thank you Lord for giving me the strength and courage to confront my past and to move on with a future in love! Amen