I am posting this here so my facebook-less Aunt Teresa can see the video! Love ya Aunt T!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Moving on....or at least trying
This blog comes to you from a long road of pain & heartche affecting my childhood.
You know, back a few months ago, I forgave the one person in my past who hurt me the most.
I am not going into detail, but if you know me really well, then you know exactly who & what I am talking about.
See, I have made the choice to forgive (read back through my earlier blogs titled "Forgiveness").
That does not mean it was instant, but I do believe God is healing me through each & every step of the way. Healing my heart and my mind from the things that occured.
But, then, every once in a while, Satan gets his 2 cents in, when someone says to me " I don't see how you can forgive this person" "Why are you talking to this person" "All this person did was screw up your life, think how different things could be"
Believe me, I do think of how different things would be if certain events had not happened when or how they did, BUT I cannot and WILL NOT dwell on that.
I am sorry that others cannot forgive this person for what they did, BUT seeing as how I am the victim and I am able to forgive her says volumes about how God can work in your life, if you just let Him.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again: I chose to forgive, and now I am handing the rest over to God, and I'm NOT taking it back!!!!
If you are struggling with forgiving someone in your life, remember that forgiveness is for YOU not the offender. In time, and if God allows, you can start to heal.
You know, back a few months ago, I forgave the one person in my past who hurt me the most.
I am not going into detail, but if you know me really well, then you know exactly who & what I am talking about.
See, I have made the choice to forgive (read back through my earlier blogs titled "Forgiveness").
That does not mean it was instant, but I do believe God is healing me through each & every step of the way. Healing my heart and my mind from the things that occured.
But, then, every once in a while, Satan gets his 2 cents in, when someone says to me " I don't see how you can forgive this person" "Why are you talking to this person" "All this person did was screw up your life, think how different things could be"
Believe me, I do think of how different things would be if certain events had not happened when or how they did, BUT I cannot and WILL NOT dwell on that.
I am sorry that others cannot forgive this person for what they did, BUT seeing as how I am the victim and I am able to forgive her says volumes about how God can work in your life, if you just let Him.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again: I chose to forgive, and now I am handing the rest over to God, and I'm NOT taking it back!!!!
If you are struggling with forgiving someone in your life, remember that forgiveness is for YOU not the offender. In time, and if God allows, you can start to heal.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Turning 30
Hello Friends!
I write to you now as an older, more mature & sophisticated 30-year old.................NOT!!
It sounded good though right, that I should instantly be sophisticated because I'm 30!
Sunday was my 30th birthday (June 28) and I just have to say, that I feel no different, but I did have some trouble that day.
Before I get into that, I'd like to talk about my celebrations! The night before, my husband & kids took me out for dinner, and then Garrett wanted to pick me out a cake from the grocery store. So, as we are leaving the restaurant he says "Mom, I am going to get you a tractor cake like I had for my birthday! And you will like it & be grateful!"
I was almost rolling in the floor....where did he hear that? Oh yeah, from me! I am forever getting onto him for not being grateful about gifts he's given.
So, he picked me out a lime green & hot pink (does my kid know me or what!!) cake with sprinkles! He also picked me out a plant of red, white, & blue Mums!
The next day we went to Amarillo for some yummy food from Abuelos. If you live near an Abuelos Mexican restaurant and have never been, you are missing out. That is some fantastic dining! And thank goodness they don't sing & make a big hoopla about birthdays anymore!
I think the last time I was ever in a restaurant and I had to stand up & be sung to was my 21st birthday at On the Border. I had already had too many margaritas and they made me stand in a booth and wear the biggest sombrero I've ever seen in my life!
Afterwards, we left for my parents house and I was welcomed by a SURPRISE little party at their house. It was so sweet. My sister, Stacey, had done all the decorating and getting the cake, and I had no idea about it, heck, Brent didn't even know!
My kids sang Happy Birthday (which was the sweetest thing a Mommy could ever ask for on her birthday, is hearing her kids sing that song with such gusto & look SO proud when Mommy could blow out her own candles)!
I have a great family and some wonderful friends!!
Oh yeah, you wanted to hear what was so terrible about my birthday, right? Well, besides that fact that my husband bought me a Dyson vacuum cleaner (totally kidding, I LOVE IT) I was feeling quite like a failure. Why?
I hadn't lost all the weight I wanted to yet and I felt as though I was a failure, because there were certain things I'd set for myself that I'd have done by the time I was 30. Well, my husband, bless his heart, said "Hun, who cares? I mean, you have God, me, 2 wonderful kids, and so much family you don't know what to do with all of them, what else do you need?" And I realized, he is so right. To me, that's like having it all!!
So, yeah, I'm 3o now, and loving it! No where near sophisticated, but I never will be, that's just not my style!
I write to you now as an older, more mature & sophisticated 30-year old.................NOT!!
It sounded good though right, that I should instantly be sophisticated because I'm 30!
Sunday was my 30th birthday (June 28) and I just have to say, that I feel no different, but I did have some trouble that day.
Before I get into that, I'd like to talk about my celebrations! The night before, my husband & kids took me out for dinner, and then Garrett wanted to pick me out a cake from the grocery store. So, as we are leaving the restaurant he says "Mom, I am going to get you a tractor cake like I had for my birthday! And you will like it & be grateful!"
I was almost rolling in the floor....where did he hear that? Oh yeah, from me! I am forever getting onto him for not being grateful about gifts he's given.
So, he picked me out a lime green & hot pink (does my kid know me or what!!) cake with sprinkles! He also picked me out a plant of red, white, & blue Mums!
The next day we went to Amarillo for some yummy food from Abuelos. If you live near an Abuelos Mexican restaurant and have never been, you are missing out. That is some fantastic dining! And thank goodness they don't sing & make a big hoopla about birthdays anymore!
I think the last time I was ever in a restaurant and I had to stand up & be sung to was my 21st birthday at On the Border. I had already had too many margaritas and they made me stand in a booth and wear the biggest sombrero I've ever seen in my life!
Afterwards, we left for my parents house and I was welcomed by a SURPRISE little party at their house. It was so sweet. My sister, Stacey, had done all the decorating and getting the cake, and I had no idea about it, heck, Brent didn't even know!
My kids sang Happy Birthday (which was the sweetest thing a Mommy could ever ask for on her birthday, is hearing her kids sing that song with such gusto & look SO proud when Mommy could blow out her own candles)!
I have a great family and some wonderful friends!!
Oh yeah, you wanted to hear what was so terrible about my birthday, right? Well, besides that fact that my husband bought me a Dyson vacuum cleaner (totally kidding, I LOVE IT) I was feeling quite like a failure. Why?
I hadn't lost all the weight I wanted to yet and I felt as though I was a failure, because there were certain things I'd set for myself that I'd have done by the time I was 30. Well, my husband, bless his heart, said "Hun, who cares? I mean, you have God, me, 2 wonderful kids, and so much family you don't know what to do with all of them, what else do you need?" And I realized, he is so right. To me, that's like having it all!!
So, yeah, I'm 3o now, and loving it! No where near sophisticated, but I never will be, that's just not my style!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Goin' to Alabama!!
Alright! I'm going to Alabama in August! Normally I do not take trips by myself, let alone on an airplane, but circumstances this year have made it possible for me to do just that, and to want to!
My big sister, Michele, lives in Alabama with her family and all her animals! I recently saw her for the first time in 7 years back in April, when we both went to Nebraska! But, I've never met her husband, and haven't seen my niece or nephews since 2002! So, I'm super-excited to see the kids, however, the last time I saw my niece, Moriah (aka Mo) I was the age she is now (17, well barely 18, anyway.....) and that makes me feel old, not to mention I will be 30 years old this month (stayed tuned for another blog about that)
I am also going to see my real Mom again. It has been 12 years since I last saw her, and I'm excited & nervous all at the same time. In fact, I think I more nervous about this trip, than the one to Nebraska! I recently started talking with her again, and its been a welcomed relationship.
God really worked hard on me, showing me things I'd never seen before, and opening a door for me to step away from past, and into the present & future with not only her, but a lot of people in my family! How blessed I am!!!
So, I'm flying out on August 10 and coming back on August 15.....I'm really nervous, but then again, I can hardly wait for the next 2 months to fly by so I can go!
Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy our jam-packed summer fun....the lake, pool, birthdays, parades, vacation, friends, snowcones, popsicles, homemade ice cream, and playing in the sprinkler....all with my kids; heck, we might even venture to the waterpark this summer!
My big sister, Michele, lives in Alabama with her family and all her animals! I recently saw her for the first time in 7 years back in April, when we both went to Nebraska! But, I've never met her husband, and haven't seen my niece or nephews since 2002! So, I'm super-excited to see the kids, however, the last time I saw my niece, Moriah (aka Mo) I was the age she is now (17, well barely 18, anyway.....) and that makes me feel old, not to mention I will be 30 years old this month (stayed tuned for another blog about that)
I am also going to see my real Mom again. It has been 12 years since I last saw her, and I'm excited & nervous all at the same time. In fact, I think I more nervous about this trip, than the one to Nebraska! I recently started talking with her again, and its been a welcomed relationship.
God really worked hard on me, showing me things I'd never seen before, and opening a door for me to step away from past, and into the present & future with not only her, but a lot of people in my family! How blessed I am!!!
So, I'm flying out on August 10 and coming back on August 15.....I'm really nervous, but then again, I can hardly wait for the next 2 months to fly by so I can go!
Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy our jam-packed summer fun....the lake, pool, birthdays, parades, vacation, friends, snowcones, popsicles, homemade ice cream, and playing in the sprinkler....all with my kids; heck, we might even venture to the waterpark this summer!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
It's Weiner-Dog Time
As most of you already know, my miniature dachshund, SallyMae, was expecting puppies around Memorial Day.
She is a young mother. With the help of the other weiners in the household, they dug a hole under the fence in the backyard, and she slipped under, and I found her about 2 blocks down, tied to another weiner dog, and I didn't have any idea who he belonged to. So, she became a young mother, and it wasn't planned! lol
We planned to breed her once, and spay her. Well, our plans, weren't her plans.
She had her litter of 3 healthy weiner dog puppies last Wednesday, May 27. Two males and one female, and everyone is growing like they are supposed to.
So, as soon as we can, she'll be getting spayed. There is no way I can put my small dog through birth again. The first 2 puppies, both males, came out the right way, but our last puppy, a female, was breech. Came out legs first, and so I had to assist in the birth of that puppy. She wasn't breathing when she finally got out of the birth canal, but rubbing her vigorously with a towel helped stimulate her breathing. They are almost a week old now, and SallyMae has been the best little Mama, better than I expected. She is very protective over her babies when strangers come around, but she is pretty lax when the other dogs sniff them out and when the kids want to see her "baby puppies"
Garrett thinks we are keeping all of them, but he's already been told that we won't keep one. We already have 3 dogs, and that's enough weiners! He did name them for the time being, Conner, Tobey, & Butterfly!
I'm just glad the puppies are finally here, and now we can wait for the weeks when they start to walk around and chew on stuff! The end of July will be here before we know it, and they can go to their new homes!
Without further ado, we proudly introduce SallyMae and the litter of 3 weiners!
She is a young mother. With the help of the other weiners in the household, they dug a hole under the fence in the backyard, and she slipped under, and I found her about 2 blocks down, tied to another weiner dog, and I didn't have any idea who he belonged to. So, she became a young mother, and it wasn't planned! lol
We planned to breed her once, and spay her. Well, our plans, weren't her plans.
She had her litter of 3 healthy weiner dog puppies last Wednesday, May 27. Two males and one female, and everyone is growing like they are supposed to.
So, as soon as we can, she'll be getting spayed. There is no way I can put my small dog through birth again. The first 2 puppies, both males, came out the right way, but our last puppy, a female, was breech. Came out legs first, and so I had to assist in the birth of that puppy. She wasn't breathing when she finally got out of the birth canal, but rubbing her vigorously with a towel helped stimulate her breathing. They are almost a week old now, and SallyMae has been the best little Mama, better than I expected. She is very protective over her babies when strangers come around, but she is pretty lax when the other dogs sniff them out and when the kids want to see her "baby puppies"
Garrett thinks we are keeping all of them, but he's already been told that we won't keep one. We already have 3 dogs, and that's enough weiners! He did name them for the time being, Conner, Tobey, & Butterfly!
I'm just glad the puppies are finally here, and now we can wait for the weeks when they start to walk around and chew on stuff! The end of July will be here before we know it, and they can go to their new homes!
Without further ado, we proudly introduce SallyMae and the litter of 3 weiners!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Forgiveness
What does it mean to forgive?
Well, according to Dictionary.com this is the definition of forgive
for-give
1.
to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.
to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.
to grant pardon to (a person).
4.
to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.
to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. :
It seems pretty self-explanatory, but in reality, its easier to say you forgive, than actually going through the process of forgiveness. A person cannot say they forgive another, without first going through a process of forgiveness.
I know that, because I have said it "I forgive you" when, really, I was still holding onto anger & resentment, and never meant a word I said about forgiveness. Little did I know, you actually had to go through this process of forgiveness, which I'll outline below.
My Process of Forgiveness:
Ok, this process may not be the same for everyone, but this is what God guided me to do, and I know that by my faith & trust in Him that this is what He wants for me.
First, I had to deal with my anger towards this situation. I wanted SO badly to just be angry and let everyone know how this affected me. How horrible my past was, and how I wish things could have been different, and what things would have been like if they had been different.
Anger, resentment, bitterness.....I was all those and I just didn't see a way past it. Ever. I even got to the point where I questioned the existence of a God who loves, because of my past. How could he allow me to endure what I did?
Next, I finally talked to someone. Not a therapist, Not a shrink, but my friend. A very good, faithful, God-fearing woman, who I believe was put in my life for a lot of reasons, and this being one of them. I told my friend things that I'd never told anyone about my past.
She is the kind of friend that when she says "I'll pray for you" she means it. Talking about it helped me start my process of healing, although I didn't realize it, God knew exactly what He was doing with me.
I could feel that I was being prayed for, not just by my friend, but other people were praying for me, and I could tell. I'd wake up in the morning, feeling better & refreshed and less angry each day. I could also tell that God was working in me. I went from being angry & bitter towards God and my offender, to understanding. I felt my heart begin to change as God reminded me that He was always there with me, even through my darkest hour, He was there. He didn't make the bad things happen to me, He protected me from the bad things. (Deut. 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.")
I could feel God changing my heart toward my offender. I now was realizing that I am a victim no more, I am a Survivor. I began to talk to this person a little more each day, and I felt myself asking God if it was ok. God was telling me to lay it all down, and He would take care of the rest. (Prov. 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding) So, I gave it to God, and I'm NOT taking it back.
God not only allowed me to tell this person how I'd been feeling, He also showed me some things about this person. He opened my eyes to how the situation affected and tore this person apart.
I started seeing things in another's perspective.....God's. And it was amazing the amount of compassion you can feel for a person when you look at it through God's eyes. (Eph. 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.)
And I began to realize just what God did for me when He gave His only son to die for MY sins. Forgiving me of sins that I didn't deserve, except by the grace of God.
Who was I to deny forgiveness to one of God's children? (Matt. 6:14,15 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.)
I know also that I could not heal from my past without forgiveness. I cannot move on and be used in the kingdom of God, if I'm still looking back at my past. Everything that I held onto in the past, is holding me back from the present and the future.
Forgiving also led me to love this person again. 1 John 4:7 (Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.)
I also realized that I cannot hate a person and love others or Christ. I can't speak bad about someone with the same mouth that I worship God with. Which brings me to this verse Prov. 10:12 (Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.” )
I chose to still love this person, even after all that I was put through, because of my ability to finally forgive, and because of my love for God. I also chose to love this person because in my heart, I always have, and I desire to love her.
Now, I am working on a relationship with this person. We used to have a relationship a long time ago, and God has presented us with another opportunity to know one another. 1 Peter 1:22 (Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.)
I obeyed God by trusting him to forgive this person and to be in contact with this person again. I know that the love I feel for this person is a real love, because its from God, so I'm not afraid.
Psalm 18:12 (The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold)
I will never truly understand the way my life was, is, or will be, but I do know this;
that I have been dealing with my past, I have forgiven, I love , and I'm on a path to reconciliation.
I'd like to end with this verse:
Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Thank you Lord for giving me the strength and courage to confront my past and to move on with a future in love! Amen
Well, according to Dictionary.com this is the definition of forgive
for-give
1.
to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.
to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.
to grant pardon to (a person).
4.
to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.
to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. :
It seems pretty self-explanatory, but in reality, its easier to say you forgive, than actually going through the process of forgiveness. A person cannot say they forgive another, without first going through a process of forgiveness.
I know that, because I have said it "I forgive you" when, really, I was still holding onto anger & resentment, and never meant a word I said about forgiveness. Little did I know, you actually had to go through this process of forgiveness, which I'll outline below.
My Process of Forgiveness:
Ok, this process may not be the same for everyone, but this is what God guided me to do, and I know that by my faith & trust in Him that this is what He wants for me.
First, I had to deal with my anger towards this situation. I wanted SO badly to just be angry and let everyone know how this affected me. How horrible my past was, and how I wish things could have been different, and what things would have been like if they had been different.
Anger, resentment, bitterness.....I was all those and I just didn't see a way past it. Ever. I even got to the point where I questioned the existence of a God who loves, because of my past. How could he allow me to endure what I did?
Next, I finally talked to someone. Not a therapist, Not a shrink, but my friend. A very good, faithful, God-fearing woman, who I believe was put in my life for a lot of reasons, and this being one of them. I told my friend things that I'd never told anyone about my past.
She is the kind of friend that when she says "I'll pray for you" she means it. Talking about it helped me start my process of healing, although I didn't realize it, God knew exactly what He was doing with me.
I could feel that I was being prayed for, not just by my friend, but other people were praying for me, and I could tell. I'd wake up in the morning, feeling better & refreshed and less angry each day. I could also tell that God was working in me. I went from being angry & bitter towards God and my offender, to understanding. I felt my heart begin to change as God reminded me that He was always there with me, even through my darkest hour, He was there. He didn't make the bad things happen to me, He protected me from the bad things. (Deut. 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.")
I could feel God changing my heart toward my offender. I now was realizing that I am a victim no more, I am a Survivor. I began to talk to this person a little more each day, and I felt myself asking God if it was ok. God was telling me to lay it all down, and He would take care of the rest. (Prov. 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding) So, I gave it to God, and I'm NOT taking it back.
God not only allowed me to tell this person how I'd been feeling, He also showed me some things about this person. He opened my eyes to how the situation affected and tore this person apart.
I started seeing things in another's perspective.....God's. And it was amazing the amount of compassion you can feel for a person when you look at it through God's eyes. (Eph. 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.)
And I began to realize just what God did for me when He gave His only son to die for MY sins. Forgiving me of sins that I didn't deserve, except by the grace of God.
Who was I to deny forgiveness to one of God's children? (Matt. 6:14,15 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.)
I know also that I could not heal from my past without forgiveness. I cannot move on and be used in the kingdom of God, if I'm still looking back at my past. Everything that I held onto in the past, is holding me back from the present and the future.
Forgiving also led me to love this person again. 1 John 4:7 (Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.)
I also realized that I cannot hate a person and love others or Christ. I can't speak bad about someone with the same mouth that I worship God with. Which brings me to this verse Prov. 10:12 (Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.” )
I chose to still love this person, even after all that I was put through, because of my ability to finally forgive, and because of my love for God. I also chose to love this person because in my heart, I always have, and I desire to love her.
Now, I am working on a relationship with this person. We used to have a relationship a long time ago, and God has presented us with another opportunity to know one another. 1 Peter 1:22 (Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.)
I obeyed God by trusting him to forgive this person and to be in contact with this person again. I know that the love I feel for this person is a real love, because its from God, so I'm not afraid.
Psalm 18:12 (The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold)
I will never truly understand the way my life was, is, or will be, but I do know this;
that I have been dealing with my past, I have forgiven, I love , and I'm on a path to reconciliation.
I'd like to end with this verse:
Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Thank you Lord for giving me the strength and courage to confront my past and to move on with a future in love! Amen
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My Special Mother
At Mother's Day Out, for Mother's Day, the kids had a fill in the blank questionnaire about their Mommies. I wanted to share Garrett's answers. It's pretty funny! Garrett's answer will be a different color & my comments will be black & bold.
My Special Mother
My mother is the most wonderful mom in the world!
She's as pretty as a flower and she's a very good cook.
Her specialty dish is Honey Waffles. (I guess it takes a lot of talent
to pop one in the toaster oven, LOL)
She weighs 4 lbs (thank you son, lol) and she's 29 years old. Her
favorite color is pink. Her favorite food is pancakes. (hmm, not so much, I think that's HIS
favorite food)
Her favorite animal is my dog.
She likes to go for a walk when she has time and she
is crazy about me hiding.
In the good old days, when Mom was little, she liked to
pick out toys. I think Mom looks funny when she
puts on her princess costume
(for real, I have no idea where this came from unless he thinks those pics of me in my wedding dress is when I had a princess costume!)
I know she's really mad when
she yells at me.
I wish Mom would go to the store with me everyday.
I wouldn't trade my mom for anything, not even a monster truck!
(the monster truck thing had me rolling in the floor. I must be pretty special, he adores Monster Trucks)
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